Tuesday, November 30, 2010

First Song

The first song that played when I turned on the Christian station was

Beautiful by Mercy Me. Watch and listen to the lyrics.

Most especially: "You are made for so much more than all of this."

YOU are beautiful.

Bless you.

In the Beginning

In my beginning, I was a lost soul. I suffered from depression. I sinned before I knew what sinning was. I knew I was a good person, but why didn't I feel loved? Why was I always searching for love in the wrong places - in boys who teased me, in men who hurt me? I was always spiritual; I believed in a Universal Power: sometimes it would be God, or the God I knew (which was not based on teachings or Scripture), sometimes it would be the Universe: this male/female deity I had in my mind from reading many New Age books. I knew nothing about forgiveness, but I did know I was unconditionally loved by this "force" in the Universes and I took great comfort in that. I delved into astrology, various forms of divination, reading of "New Age" books all over the place. I was hungry for what I was sure was my own "smorgasbord" of spirituality. I walked through my life in a haze, sometimes knowing exactly who I was, sometimes not having a clue. Before I go further, let me say this is my story. Not yours. Or if it is yours, too, tell me about it, but I will not judge.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Matthew 7:12

I will write of my childhood later, but let's move to the month of November of this year. In fact, look at that: this is the last day of November. Let's look at November the sixth.

I made a mistake that affected both my husband and me that, ultimately, brought us to God, a place where neither of us had been before - together.

November 6th, we lay in bed and he did what I had never heard him do. He prayed.

My husband is a wonderful man. A Christian man. He had previously had not let Christ into his life as much as he wanted and had been too embarrassed to bring it up to me, a "New Age self-proclaimed hippie." But I heard him praying and I heard his words and something beyond his words.

I heard divine love. I heard the promise of forgiveness. I heard taking responsibility. I heard loving something bigger than yourself and surrendering yourself over to it. I heard salvation. I heard kindness. I heard compassion.

My husband said that if our marriage was going to work out, he wanted us to raise our children in a more God-centered way. To have a Christian home. To go to a Lutheran church (which we had already discussed and agreed upon) and Bible Study. To learn about God. Not just learn, but live a Christian life.

O how I wanted this! I didn't hear an easy forgiveness from him, but rather I saw a lifestyle change - a LIFE change - that would change me forever.

Since then, my husband and I have prayed together multiple times every day together and apart. We've attended a wonderful Lutheran church with a magnificent Pastor who is helping us on this journey. I am reading the Bible and The Power of a Praying Wife, writing out my daily prayers in a journal, listening to contemporary Christian music on FM radio and Christian talk and teachings on AM radio. I do not do these things because I feel I have to, but because I am hungering and thirsting for God. I cannot get enough of it.

Honestly, I have never felt this whole. I have dark times, which I will no doubt chronicle here, but as I take joy in the Lord each day, I also take joy in my life that I am so grateful to be living. My husband and I are healing our marriage with the help of God.

In my beginning, I was a lost sheep. Now I am in a flock of loved ones beyond measure.

When I wanted to show my remorse and deep love toward my husband I came across the part in the Bible where He makes his Covenant with Noah and Noah receives a gift:

"When the dove returned to him in the evening, there in its beak was a freshly plucked olive leaf! Then Noah knew that the water had receded from the earth."
Genesis 8:11

I was the dove extending an olive leaf to my husband.

And so I named my journey on this blog, "The Dove Chronicles."

I look forward to sharing my journey with you. I'll ask questions, make comments, share anecdotes and stories. I look forward to connecting with you.

Bless you.
"Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead!"
1 Peter 1:6