When You Want Now What Only God Can Do Later

I've been planning tonight for a while. I scoured the family devotionals on Amazon and found one that looked good. It was arranged to be a family devotional that you read at dinnertime. I thought it fitting since we are always on such a tight schedule and can't fit much in.

I bought the book. I looked at it today, hungrily. I read the topics, the discussion questions; I imagined in my head what I would say, how I would explain to my three stepkids that God isn't only with us in church on Sundays. I would say how Daddy and I wanted to bring God here, in this home, with us. Because God IS with us. I fantasized about this all day.

And then, tonight, we sat down and I pulled out the book. I even started my prelude to the occasion, but was interrupted by the 5 year old boy making goofy faces at me. He does this during dinner sometimes and Husband and I have to refocus him and remind him to finish his food. We did this and I moved on. Husband read the few paragraphs and then I realized that this wasn't going to be an easy task.

5 year old boy was squirming in his seat and playing with his fork. 8 year old girl was in and out of the experience. 13 year old girl had the classic skeptic look, a look I am so afraid she will keep forever.

But Husband and I kept going. We talked about seeds and how when good seeds are planted in us, a good harvest is produced. When bad seeds are planted inside us, a bad harvest is produced. We talked about what seeds (thoughts) were...

5 year old boy? What do you think?

"I don't know..." he giggled.

8 year old giggled at him giggling.

13 year old asked if she could have more potatoes.

I looked at Husband tenderly and nervously. We continued. We kept asking questions about how people show they are sad and how they are happy. 8 year old girl was all too happy to produce answers - answers she knew would make us happy. She's quite the pleaser. She also is the one out of the three kids who openly declares her love for God and Jesus. She is quite the artist about it. We have zillions of pictures depicting, "I love God!"

She has a tough time living that out, though. She can be manipulative and bossy, rude and cruel.

God loves us all.

8 year old girl said that it was God who puts the sad and happy and bad seeds in our heads.

Husband and I arched our eyebrows. "Uh...not exactly, honey..."

How do we answer that?

I suddenly felt totally inadequate. I didn't know how to explain all that is in my heart about our faith.

Yet we continued. We talked a bit more, asked more questions - 8 year old answered, 5 year old boy shrugged and giggled incessantly which only scratched my chalkboard-brain like fingernails. And 13 year old girl had this look on her face like she wanted to shrivel under the table and disintegrate.

I decided to bring the conversation to a close so I told them to think about the kind of seeds that were being planted in their hearts in the next few days.

They looked at me with utter confusion.

I think I even felt a bit confused.

So dinnertime ended and let me tell you, our new devotional time did not go how I thought it would.

As I helped Husband with the dishes, all kinds of thoughts and images ran through my mind: how a family of 6 that I know sits around their dinner table and reads Scripture and discusses it. The youngest is 6 years old.

How so many people I hear on the radio and read about in books grew up in good, Christian homes...

about how I grew up in a pretty decent home yet neither my mother nor my father made God a priority in my life. I felt angry. Cheated.

I felt angry at the 5 year old boy who kept laughing and making funny faces when I was trying to be serious.

I felt angry at the 8 year old girl who gave us the "right" answers, not even knowing what they meant.

I felt angry at the 13 year old apathetic girl who is only interested in being famous (though she has no intention on learning any skill) and being on her iPod.

I felt angry at Husband and my measly attempts at bringing God into our home and how we had failed.

I heard a voice telling me to quit.

And then I realized who that voice was:

It was the enemy. The Devil. That one who is the opposite of God, the opposite of Love, the opposite of Goodness. The opposite of everything we are trying to bring into this family and keep in this family.

I began telling myself that I ought to give them a break. They had only been experiencing God and faith for one year. When they lived with their mom, life was total chaos and its own kind of "hell" much of the time. I told myself that I can't expect them to become perfect little cookie-cutter happy children who can recite the New Testament after one devotional.

And did I really want that?

I reminded myself that everything I wanted to impart to them could not be accomplished in one evening.

In fact, this might take many, many nights of frustrating starts and stops at conversations about our faith and our God. 5 year old boy might have been laughing because he felt uncomfortable and didn't know what else to do when the spotlight was on him. I realized that 8 year old girl just wants to be loved and I had to continue this venture if only to show her - to show them all - just how awesome God's love is. And I realized how important it is for Husband and I to persevere in this for 13 year old girl's sake - for she is wrapped up by worldly things so much more than the other two kids. In fact, it's like she's wrapped up in a world burrito. She's trapped herself inside iPods and Facebook and her phone and texting.

Yes, I told myself. We must continue. It will be awkward. It will be hard. But the Christian life is hard. The United States has basically thrown out Christianity like the baby with the bathwater. A pastor we talked to over the weekend affirmed this and added that now the most common belief in the U.S. was atheism. How God does not exist.

Finishing up dishes, I was brimming with feelings, good and bad. I took a shower and the thoughts rolled over in my mind. I thought about a blog entry I would write, what I would say, and then I thought about the title:

Devotional for the Skeptic...

for example.

But then the phrase hit me like a truck: When You Want Now What Only God Can Do Later.

Indeed, I want NOW - my children to have a strong faith in God - and that can't happen by my efforts, alone. Even with Husband joining me, how could I think that we could do this alone? And in one night?

First of all, it is not we who will do this. We cannot bring the Holy Spirit to these children. Only God can. What we can do is model to them what loving God and following his law looks like. What being a good person looks like.

So, in closing, I invite you to ask how our devotional reading is doing. I promise you I'll answer quite frustrated at times. But I know, I just know...

one night in the future, something will click. Maybe it will be with 5 year old. Maybe 13 year old. Maybe 8 year old.

But I know God is on our side and is pleased with our efforts. And I trust that God will help us reach this kids.

We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.

If you don't succeed, try and try again. I realize that's not a Bible verse...

but it certainly applies here as well.

I say...

If at first you don't succeed...trust in God...to be on your side...and he will bring you home.

When You Feel Forsaken

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” 
~ Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

I did not feel that earlier today. I felt lost, angry, ill, attacked. I felt forsaken. I couldn't feel God with me. I couldn't feel Immanuel.

I am on day #3 of tapering off of a massively addicting psychoactive drug. I don't remember if I talked about my trials of withdrawal last year or not. I might not have felt safe to share it or I might have felt ashamed.

I'm writing about it now, though, because it is playing an integral part of my faith walk.

Withdrawal from anything is difficult. It can easily be a playground for the devil, for the great attacker to attack you at your most vulnerable. And that is what he did to me.

I was sitting on the downstairs couch wrapped in a blanket, crying to Husband; my head was spinning and felt fuzzy; I heard a strange whirring whenever I moved. I kept feeling like I amounted to nothing, like everyone would be better off without me. I kept picturing our master bedroom and the scores of pill bottles that lined the shelf.

I knew this was not me. I knew this was the withdrawal. My body and mind wanted a drug that made me sicker just being on it. I knew and Husband reminded me that I would be so much healthier off of it. I'm off two of my four psychotropic medications (DON'T try this alone; I'm doing this under the watchful eye of a doctor) and I have become so much more alive. I knew what was me. I was a child of Christ. I had Christ in me.

In the wretchedness of withdrawal, however, my positive identity goes out the window. I cried to Husband, "I can't find God right now!"

And that was worse than the nausea. Worse than the head spinning and whirring. Worse than the body aches. Not feeling God is quite possibly the worst feeling I can ever have.

The ironic (but quite possibly purposeful) thing about this is that Jesus understands this feeling. He, too, did not feel God present at a most critical point in his life:

About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).

Matthew 27:45-47

 Husband assisted me to the upstairs bedroom and drew down the blankets. I crawled in, feeling like some kind of bear hibernating in a cave. Husband turned the lights off, turned the white noise machine on, drew the curtains, told me to rest. I felt guilty. He assured me he would take care of things tonight. I cried harder, "I don't feel God!"

I asked for the little glass cross I carry in my pocket. It was lying on my nightstand. He retrieved it and placed it in my hand. He kissed me on my head and I asked if he'd say a prayer for me. 

I still felt forsaken. But I was able to ask for prayer. 

He prayed that I would feel better, that I would know that, even during the worst of it, that God was surely with me, right beside me. 

When he left, I fell into a deep sleep.


I opened my eyes and my heartbeat quickened when I heard our dog's frantic bark. He does that whenever someone knocks at or comes near the front door. Our bedroom is right off the living room so I can hear everything that happens. I knew that my younger stepchildren had just come home from the neighbor's house. My oldest stepdaughter was also at a friend's house. We wanted the kids to be away from the tension in the house. I heard Husband shush my loud stepson. I listened to them microwave leftovers, heard the moving of wooden chairs across tile floor. 


I laid there for a few minutes. I felt profoundly different. I scanned my body: I still felt achy, but not nearly as bad. I scanned my mind: free from attacks and feeling better. I squeezed the tiny cross that had remained in my palm even while I slept that hour which felt like a day. I knew that if I wanted I had permission to stay in the dark bedroom and rest the entire night. But I began to miss the kids, Husband, and so I gathered the light blanket around me and came out of the cave. 


Husband was surprised to see me. My younger stepdaughter turned and smiled, saying hello. My loud stepson said his very loud hello and although it rattled through my pained head, it was a welcome sound. I smiled at Husband. 


Today was a scary day. I rarely feel so alone; I rarely feel the lack of God. I quote now an email I received upon waking up from a dear long-distance friend who has three children with physical illnesses:


"My inability to help is often overwhelming. I would do anything to alleviate my kids' suffering, pain, fear, frustration, weariness, but can't. I can only quietly walk beside them through the tough spots, knowing God is good even in the midst of it, that He will use this in their lives and mine all for His great glory as we open our hands and willingly accept what He is allowing, even while we don't understand. I don't think we have to like what God allows, but we do have to accept it and allow Him to work in us through it."

And I understood it then: God had never left. He just doesn't do that. I had looked away from His love. He had been with me the whole time. I was too blind to see it. Christianity does not say that God will take pain away or keep us from experiencing it. God will walk with us, though. Do you not think that He looked upon His Son with a broken heart? He knew Jesus' sacrifice and crucification had to happen to make the world open its eyes.

Jesus felt that his Father had forsaken him. But Jesus knew better. He did not die feeling the lack of his Father's love. The ultimate love was Jesus' death.

God with us. I certainly felt my Immanuel after the hour nap which felt like a day.

I know that I will face these road blocks again. And I just may become blind again. But that is what the Bible is for, isn't it. It's His love letter to His children.

So when I feel forsaken...

Well, maybe  
Maybe that's the point  
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally 
Finally at rock bottom  
Well, that's when I start looking up  
And reaching out...
~ "Strong Enough," Matthew West

Simply put, I am never forsaken.  

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” 
~ Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

He goes with me - through withdrawal, into caves, into fearful sleep, into dangerous places, He goes with me. 

*****************************
a great article about thinking that God has forsaken you can be found here.

When You Want to Bookend Your Years

Driving to my friend's house last night, New Year's Eve, I listened to Matthew West's album, "The Story of Your Life." Strangly, I had never gotten past the first 10 or so songs because I loved them so much I kept listening to them on repeat. But I happened to listen to the last two songs and my mouth dropped open. I drove, truly, with The Holy Spirit, in me - eyes teary and heart pounding at the profound and comforting lyrics provided in both songs: "The Reason for the World" and "The Healing Has Begun."

I realized that the first song could end my 2011 and the latter song could begin my 2012.

Unfortunately, I cannot figure out how to embed youtube videos into this blog template. I'm not even sure if you can. So I can't provide an actual visual of the youtube video and have you click on it and watch it from here. All I can do is provide the links and you'll have to go to the youtube site and watch it from there.

But I tell you, it's worth it.

So if you haven't taken stock of the past year yet, take a seat and listen to this first song,
"The Reason for the World" (link provided in the title)

My favorite lyrics to that song are:

Maybe the reason for the pain  

Is so we would pray for strength 

And maybe the reason for the strength  

Is so that we would not lose hope 

And maybe the reason for all hope 

Is so that we could face the world 

And the reason for the world 

Is to make us long for home

If you are trying to make sense of tragedies in your life - and we all have them - then please do listen to this song. People mean well when they say that "everything is for a reason." This song comforts you the right way. 

The song ends this way:

No ear has heard 

No eye has seen 

Not even in your wildest dreams 

A beauty that awaits beyond this world 

When you look into the eyes of grace  

and hear the voice of mercy say

Child, welcome to the reason for the world

Think about that last line. What does that mean for you?

The second song, "The Healing Has Begun" is a wonderful song to start the New Year with. We all have healing to do - whether it is from a trauma that has haunted us since childhood or if it is something recent that has scarred us...we are never one hundred percent put together. And how can we be without God's mercy, strength and love? 

Let this year be the year that you take the Lord's hands and say, Yes, let me heal. Help me heal. It is time.

"The Healing Has Begun" (link to song is in the title)

My favorite lyrics are

There's a world full of people dying from broken hearts  

Holding on to the guilt, thinking they fell too far 

So don't be afraid to show 'em your beautiful scars 

'Cause they're the proof, yeah you're the proof 

Oh, the healing has begun

Your scars are beautiful! They are a testimony to your survival. And when you take the Lord's hand and walk with Him, you are a testimony to grace and mercy. As Matthew West sings, don't be afraid to show them your beautiful scars because YOU are the proof...

that the healing has begun.

Let this be a year of healing and love.

Living Every Day in a Holy Way

Now that the holidays are over, what are you going to do? What are you thinking about as New Year's approaches? Ah-ha! May I take a guess? New Year's resolutions? Those sometimes lofty or attainable goals we lay out for the upcoming year.

Do we lose weight? Spend less time on the computer? Spend more time with the kids? Take more walks? Be nicer to a difficult co-worker?

But the new year doesn't have to be about hope turning into perceived failure. We can make every day count as a holy day - by being intentional about living our lives in a holy way.

You can still use your resolution list for this. You can still try to lose weight, but do it for the right reason: to be full of the Living Water Jesus wishes to give, to be full of spiritual food, not the junk food we crave. We can still spend less time on the computer, but make it holy by spending more time in God's Word and in God's presence. We can still spend more time with the kids, take more walks, be nicer to that co-worker. All this can be done with holiness in mind. With Jesus in mind.

So don't think of resolutions as lofty goals that you make and break by the end of the month. Be intentional about living every day in a holy way. Be the hands and the feet of Jesus. Count blessings as you drive to work in the morning or as you wake up to start your day. There are so many opportunities to start over this year, no matter how bad the last year had been. God given us each a new day, makes us a new creation:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

I wish you a most blessed 2012 full of love, peace, and joy.

It is Good

Have you ever had a guilty conscience? I know I have. Have you sinned? I know I have.

Imagine now being Adam or Eve. The first to sin, the first to betray, the first to break God's heart.
I invite you to watch the amazing song, "Good," performed by Matthew West and Leigh Nash from the CD, "The Story" - an amazing CD of songs inspired by Biblical characters. This is the song for Adam and Eve. The lyrics are below. But do watch the video; the animation is stunning.

http://youtu.be/iQ9rG73SKd8

If I could, I’d rewrite history
I’d choose differently; if I could, I would
I’d leave out the part where I broke Your heart
In the garden’s shade, fix the mess I made
If I could, I would

If I could, close my eyes and then
Dance around again; if I could, I would
Be who You adored, why did I need more?
When beauty was not trained to hide behind my shame
If I could, I would.

Can You hear us cry?
Wishing we could turn back time
To feel Your breath when branches move
Take one more sunset walk with You
Must each tomorrow hold
Such brokenness untold?
Can’t imagine how You could
See all of me and say it’s good

If I could hold one memory
It would surely be how You walked with us
I’d go back in time, untell my first lie
And let love’s injury heal in spite of me

Can You hear us cry?
Wishing we could turn back time
To feel Your breath when branches move
Take one more sunset walk with You
Must each tomorrow hold
Such brokenness untold?
Can’t imagine how You could
See all of me and say it’s good
Say it’s good

It is good. It is good.
You still love us more than we believed You could
Could there be something more?
Will it ever be the way it was before?

Can You hear us cry?
Wishing we could turn back time
To feel Your breath when branches move
Take one more sunset walk with You
Must each tomorrow hold
Such brokenness untold?
Can’t imagine how You could
See all of me and say it’s good

Ponder that refrain: "Can't imagine how You could / See all of me and say it's good."
He does see all of us and say we are good. He forgives.
Can't you just hear the longing and regret in the voices in this song?

In the beginning, it was all beautiful. Can you imagine it? Such an unfiltered relationship with the Lord? Can you imagine the sunset walks with Him, talking with Him, communing with Him?

But then, they who were adored "needed more."

We all want more when what we have is so wonderful to begin with. I suppose that is free will, isn't it.
Well, they wanted to be like God - as powerful, as mighty.
And they broke His heart.

But

He still loved them "more than we believed You could."

I am certain that God hears their cry. I am sure God hears our cry when we cry out to him in pain, in need, in confusion. We all wish we could turn back time, don't we. To undo the mess we made. But we can't. All we can do is live with the consequences and that is what humankind has done for eons since the Fall that broke us away from God.

What is redeeming is that we are redeemable. What is comforting is that He loves us anyway!
We break His heart every day and He is still there, loving us.

Have you every hurt someone? Have you broken their heart and now there is a severed relationship because of it? I am sorry; I know that pain.

But look - God can never be severed from you!

Look - if He can forgive His first children, Adam and Eve, His first human creations, if He can love them DESPITE, even love them BECAUSE...

just imagine how much He can love YOU.

I pray this entry and this song can be of some comfort to you.

Can we go around sinning and hurting others and get away with it? Of course not.

But there IS love for you. There IS forgiveness.

You ARE good.

A Holy Stepparent

I know I posted about this last year, but I want to point to it again this year, for all you stepparents.

Did you know that Joseph, husband of Mary, was a stepfather? Think about it - he was!

But this stepfather did not have any petty birth parent to deal with, didn't have to worry about his stepchild resenting him, didn't have to worry about buying his stepchild's love.

No, his stepson was born for loving him. His stepson was born for loving the world. All of us.

His stepson was the Ultimate Son.

How proud Joseph must have been -

and how nerve-wracking! Can you imagine? Stepping in as "father" to this baby...

when this baby had the Heavenly Father as well.

I look up to Joseph, He did not run away from the task.

I don't need an angel to come down to me and tell me that I need to tend to this family of mine. I have had a holy encounter regarding that, however.

During a church service specific to healing, I asked God who He wanted me to serve.

He said to me, "serve the children."

And I thought, what children? In other countries? Do I become a missionary?

But no, He said: "serve your children."

So, in a way, I suppose I am like Joseph.

I was told to serve and love my stepchildren, just as Joseph was told to love and accept Mary as his wife and Jesus as his earthly son.

So the stepparent chain continues...

as old as the world itself...

Spice Up Your Marriage - being the hands and feet of Christ!

I was eagerly looking forward to listening to Susie Larson's "Live the Promise" show today. Little did I know I would hear an idea that would spark a new adventurous spirit and idea!

Today's show was Faith Radio Net :: The Great Giveaway! Susie asked her listening audience, "what is the best thing you can do with ten dollars?" I was blown away by the answers she received. So many people being the hands and feet of Christ, being obedient, but gladly, not with burden or "I-have-to"s.

I'll give you an example that brought me to tears and touched my heart. Susie received an email from a man who said that he and his wife made a Christmas pinata and invited children of families they knew over to their house. Not just any children, however. These children all had special needs of one form or another and they provided pizza and fun for these kids as well as time for the busy and weary parents to do as they wish: go out on a long-needed date, take a nap, go Christmas shopping, pray.

Working with adults with disabilities, I see how taxing it is on caretakers who care for those with special needs. The blessings are enormous and definitely need to be acknowledged, but it is such a hard job. I don't consider my job hard...I consider the job of the person who lives with the person to be challenging...the family of the differently-abled person who loves him or her so much and supports him or her in everything they do...

That is a job full of rewards and frustrations all its own.

I listened to person after person call in to "Live the Promise" and tell what they did with their money. Whether it was $5 or $10 or $2,000 (yes, in one case it was that much), they were such a blessing to others. It is so obvious that when you give (and believe that you are not losing but gaining) that you will receive in return. Receive what? Well, sometimes that amount of money the person gave away will "mysteriously" and miraculously return in some form the next day or week. Or maybe the receiving is simply in feeling the Holy Spirit overcome you and wanting to burst from the sheer joy of it all.

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

~ Luke 6:38

So what does this have to do with spicing up your marriage? Well, Susie revealed what she did with her $10. She and her husband were at a grocery store and felt called to pay for the groceries of the woman in front of them. Susie tapped the woman on the shoulder and asked if she could pay for her. The woman's eyes filled with tears and said something like, "you don't know what that would mean." As it turns out, Susie and her husband had "stumbled upon" a woman who was a single mother barely getting by. She was in desperate need and there Susie and her husband were, offering Jesus' love and grace.

Susie felt so inspired by this act that she and her husband decided they were going to go on a "missionary date" once a month. They'd pray to God to put people in their path who were in need and they would go out and bless someone with God's love.

Well, hearing that put my mind and heart's gears in motion. Husband and I are in need of some spicing up with all the responsibility we shoulder from being sudden-full-time parents to the three kids (whom we love and are so grateful for) - but face it - we sometimes need a break! We do try to go to the nearby town and go on a date once in a while, but you can only go out to a restaurant and movie so many times. We need some adventure.

What better adventure is there than to do God's work in this world? What better thrill is there than to show strangers (whether they know God or not) that God loves them and wishes to bless them with a random act of kindness?

"You have blessed us all so
We bless all"
~ "All Is Grace" by Shaun Groves

So I wish to extend that challenge to you as well. It is Susie Larson's challenge as well as mine as well as Jesus'!

What can you do with $5? Can you pay for the person behind you in the drive-thru?
What can you do with $10? Go to a gift catalog like ELCA or Samaritan's Purse and see how far that money can go!

Will you join me with your spouse and be a missionary dater, too? We can go on "missionary double dates!"

Tell me all about it when you do so!

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, 

you did for me.'"

Matthew 25:40

Dancing with Dreams

This isn't a directly-God related post, but it was an important experience for me. It touched my heart and I believe anything that touches your heart has God in it, so I am going to share.

Yesterday, I took my almost-8 year old stepdaughter, "G," to "The Nutcracker" downtown.
When I was around 7 or 8 my mom starting taking my cousin and I and it became a yearly Christmas tradition for about 4 years. How I remember dressing up in my velvet blue dress, my mom curling my hair, tasting my first ginger ale!!!

So I got "G" a beautiful new shirt that she oooohed and aaaahed over. I helped her put barrettes in her hair and a necklace on. And we met a co-worker of mine and her 8 year old daughter for lunch and then we all went to the ballet.

I was a bit worried if "G" could sit through the whole thing. I took her and her 13 yr old sister to "A Midsummer's Night Dream" ballet last year and neither liked it...

But to my delight, "G" loved it! She wasn't acting all excited and googly eyed over the experience, but she did say she loved it and was smiling. I asked her what her favorite part was and it was the same part as mine as a child.

During the ballet, tears slid down my face as I remembered my cousin and I reenacting "The Waltz of the Flowers" and doing our own dances. It made me miss my mom a lot.

It was so nice to share that with "G." When we got home I dug out an old picture of me and my cousin next to Santa while we were at the theatre for "The Nutcracker."

And sure enough, I was in my blue velvet dress.

Our advanced technology has changed the way people live their lives today verses how we lived as children.

But little girls still wear fru-fru dresses and go to the Nutcracker.

The Yoke and the Burden

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

I’ve been thinking about the concept of a yoke. In a literal sense, “the word ‘Yoke’ means a bar of wood, so constructed as to unite two animals (usually oxen), enabling them to work in the fields, drawing loads, pulling instruments used for farming” (Bibleseo.com).  

Figuratively, it can mean slavery (1 Tim 6:1), Servanthood (Lev 26:13 and Jer 27:8-12), Submission, Forced Subjection, Burden, Load, Oppression (Isaiah 9:4), and Bondage to Sin (Lam 1:14).

So Jesus is offering his “yoke” to us in order to learn from him. Is he offering the burden he carries? The oppression and load that our sins put upon him created? That’s what I thought at first. But Jesus wouldn’t give us a burden to carry, much less the sins he’s had to take upon himself in order to save and redeem us. He took that on for us so we would be set free. So it’s not the burden of sin that is his “yoke.” Then what is it?

I think the key to finding out what the yoke is, is in the phrase, “for I am gentle and humble in heart.”  Jesus offers us something and that is himself: gentle and humble in heart. He asks us to take upon those traits. Perhaps his offering is this (paraphrased by me): if you become gentle and humble in heart, you, too, will find peace and rest.

Another verse that baffles me is, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Do you believe what Jesus offers is easy? In some ways, I have found it to be the easiest thing in the world – to follow him, to love each other, to be honorable and genuine, to serve others as Jesus did. I try to do that in my job every day and then come home and do my best to serve my husband and family with love and appreciation and acts of service (sometimes I can improve upon that last one).

Yet in other ways I find this yoke that Jesus says is easy to be extremely hard. It has been hard to let go of my New Agey ways. To get rid of the things that weren’t “of God” and those things which drew me away from his side and path. It has also been hard to love those who “persecute me.” In other words, to love my enemy, to love those who don’t necessarily like me or are good to me…to extend grace, peace and love to them. Boy, has that been a struggle!

And understanding that the Christian walk does not mean a struggle-free walk – that has quite possibly been the most difficult realization. In fact, in some areas, I have found that being a Christian makes situations more complicated and challenging.

But I think back to Jesus saying, with arms outstretched, “for my yoke is easy and my burden is light” and I want to run into those arms and embrace him, surely do I want to take up his yoke. I want to follow him. But then there’s that word: burden. Instinctively I cringe at that word.

We carry a lot of burdens around with us, don’t we? I know, for me, I feel a great weight on my shoulders from my responsibilities of being a good stepmother, a good wife, a good worker, a good daughter, a good friend, and above all that, a good Christ-follower. When days go nicely, those things don’t feel like a burden at all, but one bad phone call or one snarky comment can make all those things tumble down upon me like a rockslide. You bet I feel burdened.

And yet… I feel a whisper…that is the burden I pick up for myself. Jesus does not place those burdens on my shoulders. He asks me to follow him. The expectations I have for myself, the things I try to do by my own strength – that is not exactly listening to Jesus’ commands, is it.  He wishes for me (us) to place my trust and faith in him, to surrender the power I think I have over to him and to let go of control. That doesn’t mean I become a powerless puppets, on the contrary. I have found that when I release my self-made burdens to God, I feel unforgettably lighter and better.

So is his yoke easy and his burden light? I’ve decided that my heavy burden is self and circumstance-made, not placed upon me by the Lord. He asks for me to let go of all that “stuff.”

Faith is trust and belief in that which we cannot see, right?

An easy yoke and a light burden is a difficult yoke and a heavy burden lifted up to God.

Won’t you follow it, too?

It is especially important during this holiday season as we get bogged down with shopping for presents and trying to make every family member from all sides happy. As we try to give the perfect Christmas to our kids and of course we must give a little bit away for the needy, right? Oh, I’m not saying those things aren’t important, but let’s have perspective. Our to-do lists create mountains of paper on our kitchen counter until Christmas Eve, the night of the birth of the babe who came to save us all, where we suddenly want to scream at all the things we have left to do and all the things we don’t think we’ve done enough of. Suddenly we are failures and we deem this holiday a failure.

Please don’t let that be your Christmas. Follow the easy yoke and the light burden that Jesus offers. Release all those stresses to him and open the eyes of your heart – look around you at the smiling children who are just thrilled to receive a tight embrace and a loving word. Look at the beautiful light displays around your neighborhood and marvel at how it illuminates the block. Thank God that we (in southern Wisconsin) haven’t had a huge snowfall yet.

Yes, count your blessings! Go out and get Ann Voskamp’s, “One Thousand Gifts” and start your New Year being more aware of the splendor of God and take up that dare to be more fully awake and alive.

His yoke is easy and his burden is light – if you let it be. If you let go of the trappings of the World and our culture, the trappings of what our society has made Christmas into: focused on gifts, money, the most of this, the most of that.

Mercy to you this Christmas. Peace to you this Christmas.

I invite you to take a breath. Did you do that? Okay, now stand up straight and notice your shoulders. Are they tight and heavy? Go to a window and look upward. Imagine yourself releasing all the world and you-placed burdens until you can envision them as balloons floating up to the sky. Jesus can take them. He can handle it. He wants  to handle it.

A prayer from me:

Dear Father in Heaven,

I release all the rushing around I do this season, all the frantic buying of gifts when I know we don’t have enough money nor do our kids need that many gifts. Lord, I thank you for blessing my family with good health, financial provision, enough food and shelter and love. Please bless our family with your presence and infuse our home with love. Help these kids know they are safe and loved eternally – by you, Jesus, and by us as their parents. Lord, take away the “perfect Christmas” I carry around in my head. There is no perfection that we humans can create and counting on that is asking to be let down. I rely on you, Lord, to provide for us this Christmas and forever. I want to take upon your yoke and learn from you. Oh, I so want to learn from you! I know I need rest in my heart, Lord, and I ask that for everyone in this world as they hustle and bustle around this season. I ask you to bless them with deep breaths and the ability to see the beauty and blessings around them that aren’t bought or man-made. Dear Lord, help us to focus on the “reason for the season” – your son being born – what a delight! What a thing to behold! Let us celebrate that, Lord! Let us celebrate you by shaking our self-made burdens off of us like dander, like a dog shaking the wet out of his fur. Bless all who cry out to you, O Lord, and lift up their burdens and finally, Lord, give them rest.

In your precious name,

Amen.

Enjoy this powerful song, "Rest," by Downhere at the following site:

http://youtu.be/GaxwhhNxBi8

an interesting blog I came across while searching for a "yoke" image:

http://angelaambroise.blogspot.com/2011/02/letting-go-of-my-yoke-fear-of-cancer.html

She even references my favorite author, Ann Voskamp!

Waiting on Waiting: Thoughts on Advent

photo credit: © Adam Gryko - Fotolia.com


I am now a little over a year old, in Christ-terms. Meaning I have been walking with the Lord - all-in - for a little over a year. I still consider myself a baby-Christian, but I have done a lot of growing in the past year. And besides, I know of a Christ who was a baby once.

If there is one thing I know I still have a lot to learn about and lean towards it's the idea of instant gratification. Waiting. Waiting for exciting events, waiting for doomed ones; waiting for answers, waiting for results, waiting for responses, waiting for what my ego tells me I need to know and have.

And do you know what I need to be waiting for? The only thing I need to wait for?

The will of God to be done.

And do you know when a perfect time to do that is?

Advent.

And Advent it is. Now. I don't have to wait to wait. I can start my waiting now. But I'm not waiting for prayers to be answered, events, or responses. I am waiting for the celebration of Jesus' birth. I am waiting to celebrate. And in that waiting I celebrate.

I celebrate all the things that God has given me this past year that I either prayed for and received or prayed for and did not receive. For both are blessings of one sort or another. My ego cannot tell what is best for me, only the One born in the manger knows. Such a tiny creature knows how every twist and turn in my life will turn out. What a thing to behold!

God, thy will be done! I wait for Your working in my life. I wait for You. In this, my second season of Advent, where I am truly beginning to understand what waiting on You means, I wait for You to fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that I may do Your will.

Psalm 130:5-6 calls to me at this moment:

I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
   and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
   more than watchmen wait for the morning,
   more than watchmen wait for the morning.

More than watchmen wait for the morning, O Lord. I wait for Your Son's birth from here on out and hope for a renewed spirit within me.

And I recall the devotional song we so often sing in church with lyrics by Keith Green:

Create in me a clean heart, oh God
And renew a right spirit within me
Create in me a clean heart, oh God
And renew a right spirit within me

Cast me not away from Thy presence, oh Lord
And take not Thy holy spirit from me
Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation
And renew a right spirit within me

Lord, I will wait. I will wait for the answers, promises, questions...
I will wait for when it is Your time and not my own.
I will wait in this waiting season of Advent
and rejoice
as if I have received everything I could ever want
for You give
so lovingly
so overwhelmingly
that I most certainly do receive
everything
and more...


Blessings to you during this season of Advent. Experience the experience of waiting.
And perhaps...
right in the middle...
you will realize that He has been there
all along.


This blog entry was written in correlation with Charity Singleton over at Wide Open Spaces. See the Advent Writing Project here.